I Promised Two Posts

I promised you two posts.

This one will both confuse my regular readers, make my dad guffaw, and get me kicked out of the "Brotherhood of Iron".

Squats, I'm done with you.

Let me propose first.

I can't get over the knee pain that I'm experiencing when I squat heavy.  Granted it gets better every week as I progress in weight, but it still hits right around the 350 mark.  It's the right knee and I want so bad for it to be some kind of strange disorder if nothing else so I can save face in front of my friends on the internet.

Which is strange.

This is the part where my dad gets to chuckle and it's in reference to not doing squats...

I was in highschool once.  My dad used to come home and he likes running.  He says he experiences runners high.  I've never experienced anything from running other than I was being punished for something that was probably Mitch Dee's fault.

Lifting, yes, sir.  I like lifting a bunch and I know that high.

Dad would run and I remember one time, he came back and he may have complained about his knee hurting.

Being a smartass, I told my dad, you probably have a weak knee.

There was a moment that passed.  It looked like a convergence of a storm cloud and a hurricane, as he took my measure.  "I don't have weak knees," he said.  His voice sounded like Gandalf with his confirming presence, trying to enforce the inflection and make me scared.

Testing the waters I said...

"Dad, you have weak knees."

He looked at me and said in a gravely voice "I don't have weak knees."

I knew I had him.  I knew I had him because my father never refuted the same way.  It wasn't his way...he refuted based on logic.

I also know that I wounded him and I don't think I fully understood until I had a child...or as I get older.

We are Superman!

I'm glad I can't tell you a story about a cold father and mother, or tell a story about how it all broke down in that moment and my dad who never hugged me was suddenly gregarious with love...

It wouldn't be true.  Dad, and mom, were always sharing their love.  They loved each other and they loved me.  I never doubted.

It was just funny that it took me until my late teens to get my dad's goat.

Thing about goats....If you let someone know where your goat is tied, they'll get it when they want.

Dad said that.

So here's my proposed lifting schedule 5/3/1 style

Bench
5/3/1 protocol
Incline dumbbell 5x10
Pull ups 5x10
Face Pulls 5x10

Deadlift
5/3/1 protocol
Front Squats 5x10
Leg press 5x10
Calf Work

Overhead Press
5/3/1 protocol
Pull ups for weight
Face Pulls 5x10

I will also be doing sets of rowing for HIIT after each workout.

I use lots of dad maxims and my dad's maxims, when dealing with my daughter, but I've invented a new one...feel free to use:

"It wasn't a question, it was a statement."

Now we're getting angry.

Where You Be?

It's been a while.

Let's be honest, this blog needs direction.  I originally started the blog because of my good friend Hank.  Hank is an encouragement, all around good bro and I like his style, so I did what any gorilla does, I aped him.  See links to the right for Hank's blog.

Originally I started it as a way to document my workouts, then morphed it into just my thoughts and now we're going into general rambling.

My lack of posting hasn't been because I don't value my 4 readers.  It also hasn't been because I'm not thinking.  Cogito Ergo Sum...Carpe the bass and all that...  It's probably because I haven't been very angry.  That part bothers me.  We'll get back to that...

I'm a pretty introverted guy, I put on the extrovert mask because it's what society and my job demands.  When I originally started this blog, I fashioned myself as a Doogie Howser typing away on his green screen and chronicling the day's issues.

This is the part where I'm trying to decide if you get two entries or just one entry.

Let's talk about something awesome.

Yesterday, I met/got a picture with Brandon Weeden.

For those that aren't aware, Brandon Weeden was the Oklahoma State QB that led us to a one loss season.  Notice I didn't say 12 win season.  The one loss keeps me up at night.  I can remember that loss vividly, it was to Iowa State.  I can remember it because I was working in Boston and my wife came to visit that weekend and I grew a bit as a person.  We walked the Freedom Trail, we went to Paul Revere's house, it's pronounced "Riveeh" if you're a Bostonian.  Also, Worchester is "Wooster", like rooster, but Dorchester is not "Dooster".  It's pronounced the way it's spelled...roughly.  Add an "h" sound roughly before the first "r" and you've got it right.

I know as the reader you're thinking me silly, but let's be clear.  That was a breakout season, despite the one loss we were still being talked about for a National Championship.  It was a debate that ESPN pretended to consume.  We were #2 in the AP poll prior to the loss and the loss gave the pundits fire to get Alabama, also a one loss team, into the debate.  ESPN sponsors the SEC channel...think about that.  Without the loss, there is no OSU or Alabama argument.  

OSU went on to play in the Fiesta Bowl where they beat Stanford, quarterbacked by Andrew Luck, in overtime.

SEC BITERS GET OUT!

Fast forward...Weeden was drafted in the first round of the 2011 draft by the Cleveland Browns.  He had a bad season running behind what appeared to be an offensive line that couldn't stop a high school team.  In March the Dallas Cowboys picked up Brandon Weeden.  He's now behind Tony Romo who may be out for a bit due to back surgery.

The events of yesterday:

After leaving church we decided on Chipotle.  Not before driving to J. Macklin's but as it goes with Baptists, we were late getting out so St. Ann's had beaten us to the restaurant.  We went to Chipotle instead.

Sidebar:  Overall if eating is your thing Baptist are good at that, but not so good on time management.

We enter Chipotle and being the Tier 1 operator that I am, I always watch the sidewalk and people entering.  Guy gets in line behind us and I look, then realize I recognize him and do a triple take.  He does the bro nod.

I think I mentioned it to my wife once or 400 times during dinner.  She knew the name but she'd never recognize the face.

Here's the part that I find funny personally.  I was absolutely star struck.  I've never been star struck.  I should mention that I've flown to LA a number of times.  I flown to Vancouver a lot.  Vancouver is called "North Hollywood" or "Hollywood of the North".  Yeah, I'm a big deal and I don't mind letting you into the business.

I've sat on planes with lots of celebrities.  My favorite was Jessica Simpson,  Monday morning, when she was dating Romo she was on the flight back to LA a lot.  She was always very kind and courteous towards the flight attendant and her fans.  Most of them seemed nice despite the fact that it meant me moving out of the way or some mouth breather leaning over my lap to get a picture.

We sit and enjoy our dinner as only can be done when a toddler has the palette of a...toddler.  Roughly $445 later we are all fed.  The chicken, beans and rice we bought first, was what she finished...We could've gone to Hard 8 and had good BBQ for that money.

So we leave, get Little Bit loaded in the car.  Loading a toddler, who is a good little monkey and always very curious, takes about 8 hours of the day each time.  Here's a rough draft of things I can complete while my daughter is getting into her seat:

1. Prayer to ask God why he's teaching me patience since I never pray for it
2. Prayer to give me strength
3. Prayer to thank God for my daughter
4. Writing another blog
5. Reading War and Peace
6. Reading Anna Karenina
7. Writing a paper contrasting the writing style of Tolstoy from his seminal work throughout his life until he wrote his final masterpiece.
8. Looking up the email for my English 101 professor
9. Logging into my email and sending the paper
10. Getting back a "B+" but it would've been an "A" had I referenced some additional literary works and cited my sources.

Little Bit loaded, I fire up the Dragon Wagon ( I need to think up a cool name for my truck because it looks like a mobile assault platform)...."lo and behold", Brandon Weeden is walking to the car next to me.  I roll down the window and say, "I'm an OSU grad, can I get a picture with you?"  He smiles and gives consent.  I hop out and we get the picture below.  I also asked him if it was cool that I do "the guns" since I didn't want to get him trouble with Roger Goodell.  Roger if you're reading this, that was all me and should hold no bearing on Brandon's conduct.

We chatted for about 20 seconds and I'm pretty sure that I offered to knee-cap Romo for him.  That's pretty much all I could think of to say since my ai'jin-pal, (The Warded Man by Peter V. Brett) Frankincense told me to say it when I was texting him during lunch.

Don't hold you're breath...you  might get another one this week.

Just Be Outside...Just Be

This has been the hardest blog to write.  It was supposed to be my introductory blog...that blog turned into Ishmael.  This was supposed to be my follow-up blog, but that turned into something else.  This was supposed to be the introduction to "Things I like"....that blog I just failed at doing.

I pulled my second chute with that blog.

What are pet peeves but First World Problems.  That was supposed to be a title.  I bet that title would've won me blogger of the year award. That reminds me of a funny conversation I had with a good friend today.  The Governor's nephew also makes me smile...I need to figure out how to write about that.

I'd rather tell you, the reader, (mom, dad and Uncle Dana) about things I like.  I'd rather write about things I like than talk about things I don't like.

The moon moved past Nebraska and it made a lap around those cold Dakota hills.
Angels danced on Jacob's stairs.There was a silence in the bad lands and over Kansas the whole universe was still.
A single hawk burst into flight and in the east the whole horizon is in flames.
I feel the thunder in the sky
I see the sky about to rain
and I hear the prairies calling out your name.

Once had a sky pilot tell me that Rich Mullins was too nature focused.  He called it humanistic philosophy.

I guess.  Don't mind too much about sky pilots.  In general I don't mind about too much.  It's probably my Libertarian bent, but I figure you can do your thing and I'll do mine.

I don't mind being a product of two "wannabe" hippies and Jimmy Carter's failed economic policy.  I still giggle at the fact that I have an Eagles record...the big black round thing...with my mother's signed name when she changed it.  I don't mind being a child of two people who understood freedom and saw Reagan's Bright Shining City.

I don't really mind too much.

What I like:

I recharge my batteries outdoors.

That's a harsh segue, but you're going to get that in this blog...it's my most failed blog and the one I need to get published.

I'm tired of it sitting in draft status staring at me like a failed lover.

Saturday was a beautiful day.  Temps mid 70's and a cool south eastern breeze.

We were pig hunting.

Pig are an invasive species in Texas...no limit...there is no quarter given.

Didn't see a single pig.

What we saw:

Two deer came in to feed.  Beautiful creatures and very tasty.  Looked to be about 2 years old.  They weren't totally alert and it must be because the rut has long gone.  During deer season they remind me of my wife.  Head on a swivel so they don't get suddenly mated.

In Texas we try to spread the rut out over a month versus the 10 days in most places.  It helps with deer longevity, keeping food on the table and in general why we're #1.

I forgot my Independence Day post for Texas.  I must be getting soft.

Hawks riding thermals and killing rabbits.

Cardinals eating corn off the ground.

Coyotes calling at dusk.  Strange call, it sounds very lonely.  I wished I had my raspy critter call.

Being outside is different.  It's a place where you need to actually be and you don't need to be.  Verbs and adverbs.  I used to hate doing that in school.

You can sit back and lose yourself and soak it in or you can focus and lose yourself.  It's a place where you are the apex predator or just the visitor.

When I'm outside I feel like God (big g) is talking just to me.  We come full circle to the humanistic part.

Being outside is good for the soul.  The city, the noise, the STUFF takes everything.  Nature gives back.  Nature lets you take...I've got a freezer full of venison...it doesn't care.

Come be or come and be.

I'm going to go watch "Catching Fire" with Ms. Marvel...hopefully it wets her appetite for real sci-fi which was the segue into things I like the whole time.

Saving Face...It's For Everyone

Don't read to the end.  It's going to be anti-climatic.  This is mostly my frontal lobe talking.  This one has turned into a "thoughts that I think" or "how can I be better".

 Don't say you weren't warned.

This is my work conversation from the other day ago before...yep...puzzle that timing out.  It's intentionally vague and many references will be intentionally vague because it's about work.

"Don't crap where you eat."  Dad said that.  Sorry mom, dad did say that.

The conversation is verbatim.  This post has been about 4 days stewing in my brain...which reminds me I love brain stew.

Enter Shaun:  smile on his face because smiling disarms people.  Also, it's the mask I wear.
Shaun approaches Dude.
Dude is sitting at his desk typing furiously.

Me:  "Dude, we need to schedule...
Dude:  "Not going to happen this week."
Me:  "We need to...
Dude:  "Not going to happen this week."
Me:  "Let's talk about...
Dude:  "Not going to happen this week."
Me:  "I'll make sure your boss, the CIO and the CEO know that you're not willing to do what's required in order to get to review this week."

Exit Shaun:  Clearly Angry

These thoughts are going through my brain:

You stupid, self-important ass cloud.  I'm trying to do you a favor.  You're going to get asked about it tomorrow and the best answer is always "We have it scheduled".  I'm somehow tasked with getting your work on paper.  I understand you're a network engineer and that what you do is magic.  "HPFM"...look that one up.  We're all amazed and awed with your ability to shut/no shut.

Working with artists is not my forte  (it's pronounced fort.)  For-tay is a fancy way of saying play loudly.  I learned how to say "is a fancy way" from my daughter's bedtime books.  It's not french though, it's Italian.  Forte (fort) defines the strong part of a sword.

That whole thing about forte was not going through my mind.  That was sidebar with council as I was writing this blog.

Where were we?

I resolved to be a bus driver.  See, there's a phrase in business that everyone knows...getting hit by a bus.  The idea is that you didn't see it coming.  You stepped out into it.  Your morning was going along merrily and as you stepped off the curb....BAM!...the bus hits you.

I wanted revenge.  I wanted to be the bus driver.

As the day ended I mulled over the problem.  I sent some emails to get it all setup.  I put balls in the air...ready to spike the following morning.  I was gassing up the bus.  I sat in the seat and made sure the steering was to my liking.

I went to bed with an evil grin on my face and slept self satisfied.

The next morning came along, the sun peeked through my blinds and gently caressed me with its golden embrace.  As slumber slowly removed it's coils I started to grin.  I showered quickly and got dressed.  Egg Shell Blue shirt for today.  If someone wears a solid blue shirt it's because they want to be taken seriously.  Salmon and Pink are also ran colors.  They are fun for a power play.  Pastels at first glance seem weak.  That's the point with pastels, you didn't see it coming.  I wore blue because I was the bus.

Don't wear white...it means you work for IBM.

As I sauntered merrily into work I saw my Cisco Kid buddy.  I like working with Cisco Kid.

This conversation is not verbatim.

"Hey, how you doing," I called out.
"Fine," says Cisco Kid.
We make small talk and then I grin and tell him my malevolent plan.
"Don't do it," pleads Cisco Kid.
I grin and look at him..."Remember all the buses, now it's our turn to drive."

"Let's not...let's not. Dude is having problems."
"What's going on?"

The rest of the conversation isn't important.  What I realized was that Dude was having a worse time than me in life.  The very fact that Dude was still at work meant he was probably better than me.  I wouldn't have been at work.

"Saving Face".  It means to let someone keep their honor.  It's a strong sociological concept.

Christians have a phrase "showing grace".  It means showing the grace the was given to me despite the fact that I earned none of it.

It's loving someone who can't give you anything and can't do anything but just need something.  That's the important part...the part at the end.  Not want...it's not about wanting...it's about the needing something.

It's the grace and the face that was given to me when I earned none of it.

Whether you agree with my theology or not...let's just get out of the job of driving buses.

Things We Hate...Why Is It Always Hate?

I've had a bit of writer's block.  Or in this case bloggers block...or in this case just guy typing on the internet block.

Seems like you actually need to be a writer to have writer's block.

Seems like you actually need to be a blogger to have blogger's block.

I am however just a guy typing on the internet.

To get on with the story, I asked Ms. Marvel for suggestions on the blog.  I often ask Ms. Marvel for help.

She said "Do a pet peeves blog...those always seem to work."

I've been mulling that over.  What are my pet peeves....well people that say "irregardless" and people that say "For all intesive purposes".

Not enough juice to squeeze there.

People that use ridiculous consulting phrases.  Still not enough for the reader.

We have to go deep here.  What do I hate?  Well, for starters...lots of things.  Today while playing outside with Little Bit it hit me.

Warning to my one reader:  Mom.  I'm going to curse here.

As I played outside with Little Bit today I tried the mental exercise.

What things do I hate?  Democrats, Republicans, liberals, gun grabbers...good start.  What else?  What else can I really get vitriolic about and get my reader engaged.  I wondered why I would want that reader.  I wouldn't accept them as a friend.  I wondered why another person would want to read about something that someone else hated.

This is the worst form of mental masturbation that I can imagine...that is to say,  largely the stupidest thing I can fathom.

Why focus on the negative?

Why in the hell is someone else reading about something that someone else gets mad about?  Is there not enough wretched shit going on in the world that worrying about someone else's petty fucking problems is the stupidest fucking thing in the entire world?

Dad once told me "If someone gives you a gift and you don't accept it, it's not yours to own."  What he meant, was that you choose.  It's the attitude speech.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” 

It's my fiddle...it's mine to play.  Attitude defines everything.

Why would I willingly decide to read what someone else hates?  If I don't take your gift then I don't own it.  It's not mine.  I don't want it.

I've already got enough going on.  I don't need yours.

This isn't a hippy post.  In general I work pretty hard to keep myself at a controlled boil.

There's going to be lots of Hulk references...in case that wasn't clear.

Here's what I made with Little Bit while outside today.  While I was pondering and mulling.

So over the next few days I'm going to do a series of Things I like.

We're turning the internet on its head now.  Bill Gore, the inventor, is spinning in his grave  

This doesn't mean you need to like them.  It might spark the imp of perverse and it might spark the imp of curious.

Just go and be good humans.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Both my fathers have said that.

I had the whole thing drawn up...

This is the post where...cough...cough...family...cough....unfriends me for their deep belief in the savior Obama.

This is no longer that post....

It was all drawn up.  I had the points and the facts ready to put down.  Very angry and not a little bit of malice but everything that I could reasonably draw.  Anger and venom ready.  It was coming...

It was castigating both sides...seriously, Republicants stay out of the bedroom and stay out of the womb.  None of it's constitutional...you're worse because you know better.   I was actually going to quote law.

The problem is putting Little Bit to sleep.  It all fades...

Everything seems silly.

This is a human being that finds me funny.  This is a person that trusts me.  A little human that laughs at me.

I wonder if I'm getting soft.

I still hold those truths.

I wonder if I'll leave this place better than the WW2 generation and better than the Boomers.

Can't get much worse.  They voted their problems to their children.

Just like that we're back in the game.

The Squat Workout - Fail

This is what abject failure looks like.

Supposed to do 350x5.  Walk it out of the rack, stand there look around because nobody is watching and then walk it right back in to the pins.

Despite RATM telling me that "Those who died are justified for wearing the badge.....and then some gibberish....but I'm not going to do what they told me".

My right knee just hurts too bad.  I didn't do a single.  Didn't even push my hips back to drop.  Didn't even try.  What's worse is that I've done better.

It's not supposed to work that way.  350 at 200lb body weight is pretty weak...really weak.  It doesn't qualify for intermediate.  If you can't do at least 1x body weight you qualify for toast.  Don't even bother getting out of bed.  1.5x body weight you qualify as a breathing organism.

2x body weight is where you become intermediate.  This is the first validation.

All my lifts are going up but the squat.  We're actually going backwards.

I've had 400 on my back with Danzig blaring so loud in my ears that blood was coming out of my nose.  That's my happy place.

I've been there.  I want 500.

I want an 1100 pound total.  That's toast...you're breathing.

Even better...I want
500 lb dead
500 lb squat
400 lb bench

1400...that's something.  That's a start.

---------

If it was easy, then it wouldn't be worth doing.

Let it go.

Good lifters know that a single day is a single day.  There's so many more.  I lift, I fish, I hunt, I'm a dad, I'm a husband.

This song is awesome.

The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway